Virginally, Yours

"Your body is a wrapped lollipop. When you have sex with a man, he unwraps your lollipop and sucks on it. It may feel great at the time, but unfortunately, when he's done with you, all you have left for your next partner is a poorly wrapped, saliva-fouled sucker." --Darren Washington (as quoted in 'The Purity Myth')

So I'm reading 'The Purity Myth' by Jessica Valenti, a feminist famous for her blogging website: http://www.feministing.com/. It's basically about how the idea of a woman's worth is based off of whether or not she is having sex before marriage. She argues against the chastity movement, instead wanting to celebrate and promote a healthy sexuality for women.

I complete agree with her. Too much guilt and shame is being blasted towards women who are having sex outside of marriage. It's disgusting, really, how much sexuality is exposed in the media while simultaneously there are abstinence-only programs being taught in schools. Essentially, young kids and teenagers are being pulled in two entirely different directions. While the "modesty movement" that Jessica Valenti writes about in her book is saying that society is to blame for the over-sexualization of young women, they are still teaching something that is virtually unrealistic. Not that people don't exist who want to save it for marriage, but there is a larger portion who don't. Safe sex & proper use of contraception NEEDS to be taught! Why can't conservatives realize this? They need to stop being so condescending, wake the fuck up, and get over the fact that guilt and shame just don't work anymore.

Now on the other side of the spectrum...people who don't have sex for the sake of not having sex. I'm not talking about the religiously, morally opposed. I'm speaking for people, like myself, and some of my friends. I choose to abstain not because the bible & Jesus told me so, nor because my body is where I hold all of my values & worth. I'd like to think that I'm a bit more progressive than that, thank you very much. I choose to abstain more for the fact that I'm not ready, nor have I found the right person. My best friend is waiting for marriage much for the same reason: because she personally feels like that's what would work best for her. We have other friends who've had sex, and we don't view them any different because of that. Ultimately, the only person who knows best for you is you.

If it were up to me, promoting a healthy sexuality would be the first thing to be taught. This would include healthy physically (contraception, birth control, getting tested, etc) and mentally/emotionally (learning how to communicate with your partner, how to say no, etc). Would I promote having sex? No. Would I promote abstinence? No. Like I stated before, ultimately the decision is yours personally. So weigh all of your options and come to a conclusion for yourself. Know that you can be sexually active and live a successful life. Also know that you can choose to abstain and still be progressive & liberal. Sex is one choice among many you will make throughout your life. Does it define you as a person? No. What you do with your body does not determine your self-worth. You are more than a "wrapped lollipop".