Virginally, Yours

"Your body is a wrapped lollipop. When you have sex with a man, he unwraps your lollipop and sucks on it. It may feel great at the time, but unfortunately, when he's done with you, all you have left for your next partner is a poorly wrapped, saliva-fouled sucker." --Darren Washington (as quoted in 'The Purity Myth')

So I'm reading 'The Purity Myth' by Jessica Valenti, a feminist famous for her blogging website: http://www.feministing.com/. It's basically about how the idea of a woman's worth is based off of whether or not she is having sex before marriage. She argues against the chastity movement, instead wanting to celebrate and promote a healthy sexuality for women.

I complete agree with her. Too much guilt and shame is being blasted towards women who are having sex outside of marriage. It's disgusting, really, how much sexuality is exposed in the media while simultaneously there are abstinence-only programs being taught in schools. Essentially, young kids and teenagers are being pulled in two entirely different directions. While the "modesty movement" that Jessica Valenti writes about in her book is saying that society is to blame for the over-sexualization of young women, they are still teaching something that is virtually unrealistic. Not that people don't exist who want to save it for marriage, but there is a larger portion who don't. Safe sex & proper use of contraception NEEDS to be taught! Why can't conservatives realize this? They need to stop being so condescending, wake the fuck up, and get over the fact that guilt and shame just don't work anymore.

Now on the other side of the spectrum...people who don't have sex for the sake of not having sex. I'm not talking about the religiously, morally opposed. I'm speaking for people, like myself, and some of my friends. I choose to abstain not because the bible & Jesus told me so, nor because my body is where I hold all of my values & worth. I'd like to think that I'm a bit more progressive than that, thank you very much. I choose to abstain more for the fact that I'm not ready, nor have I found the right person. My best friend is waiting for marriage much for the same reason: because she personally feels like that's what would work best for her. We have other friends who've had sex, and we don't view them any different because of that. Ultimately, the only person who knows best for you is you.

If it were up to me, promoting a healthy sexuality would be the first thing to be taught. This would include healthy physically (contraception, birth control, getting tested, etc) and mentally/emotionally (learning how to communicate with your partner, how to say no, etc). Would I promote having sex? No. Would I promote abstinence? No. Like I stated before, ultimately the decision is yours personally. So weigh all of your options and come to a conclusion for yourself. Know that you can be sexually active and live a successful life. Also know that you can choose to abstain and still be progressive & liberal. Sex is one choice among many you will make throughout your life. Does it define you as a person? No. What you do with your body does not determine your self-worth. You are more than a "wrapped lollipop".

Plus Size

LARGER THAN LIFE
PLEASANTLY PLUMP
BIG
HEAVY
FAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT ASSSSSSSSSSSSS

You could say I'm feeling slightly self-conscious today. If there was one thing I could change about myself, it would be my stomach. I cannot comprehend why that's where I carry my weight. I can comprehend how: I do not exercise on a regular basis and I am, while not a terrible junk food aficionado, not the healthiest of eaters. I am not, nor will I ever be, a skinny girl. I was not born with super speed metabolism, unlike a few of my bestest of friends, and I am insanely jealous when I actually take the time to think about it (and today happens to be one of those days). If I ever want to be "thin" or in shape (according to society's appropriate standards), I have to work really hard at it and most days I'm not feeling so ambitious. I'd by lying if I said I wanted to lose weight solely for the purpose of better health. What's so wrong with wanting to look good in a tight dress (without the help of spandex)? I will tell you this: the only person I want to look good for is myself and that's the damn truth. Pigs will fly when the day comes that I lose weight for a guy, and I honestly don't respect any woman who does.

I'm just sick of the judgement overweight people like myself go through on a daily basis. I don't have it as bad as some people, because I'm not obese, but I've gotten looks from eating an ice cream cone. People assume, because one person is overweight, that they are a lazy fatass who eats their feelings all damn day. I'll tell you this: I am no fucking lazy fatass. SURE, I could get out and exercise ON TOP OF waking up at 6:30am, getting two elementary school kids ready for school, taking them to school, taking myself to school, picking the girls up from school, watching them for another hour, and then doing homework. Yeah, let me get straight to the gym right when I'm done writing five page essays, reading textbooks, and analyzing articles. I'll get riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight on that.

I'll tell you this as well: I don't eat any more than my size-zero best friend, much less exercise any less than her. Yet, just because of my size, I get one more label than her. It sucks, it really does and there's nothing I can do about it because the norm of our society is "think is in" and the only way I'll really be able to make life easier for myself is just make that extra effort to lose weight. And when will that be happening? I have no idea. Right now, I'm happy. It does kind of suck getting asked: "Oh, you're having a baby?" with a friendly smile, no malice intended. I guess that's a wake up call of sorts, but not one I'm willing to answer just yet...