One Week

Is this it? Is it really this close to the end of freshman year? Why do I feel the exact same? I suppose this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I feel like living away from home for approximately eight months should have noticeably changed me. I don't feel any different, but do I appear different in any way? Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Maybe my subtle transformation will slowly start to reveal itself as I adjust to living back home; as I attend the University of Cincinnati in the fall. One cannot predict these things.

So how do I feel? Glad as fuck to be moving back home, sadly. Never thought I'd ever hear myself say that. I mean, sure, experiences have been had living away from home that first year, but I honestly felt like my experiences were somewhat lacking. I'm not saying I wish I had been drunk just as often as the rest of my peers, except really, I am kind of saying that. Okay, let's rephrase this: I wish I had gone out more often, taken advantage of all Chicago has to offer. I just didn't try hard enough, I guess. It's my own fault, really.

But I have plenty of time to be drunk the rest of my life, so did I honestly miss out on anything? No, I don't believe I did. It would have been nice to spend some weekends mischievously behaving along with other students who are on their own for the first time as well, but I'm only nineteen and I have so much time left to do this. So what if I'm getting started a little late.

And I can say there were a few times I participated in reckless teenage/college behavior first semester. This past semester I just wasn't actually in Chicago very often on the weekends. But whatever, life is not all about the booze and the weed and whatever else you want to involve with your shenanigans. And fun can be had without the influence of substances. But every now and then I am not opposed to heightening that fun in certain ways.

You know what really sucks though? I hung out with a friend from a class last night and I had a great time. Figures I would finally be making some connections outside the comfort of my roommates the last weekend we are here. Because I won't lie; a large part of why I'm going home was the lack of connections I was making. I have this great roommate who I got along with wonderfully, who I had similar living habits with, but it can be hard having only one friend in this large of a city. Hanging out one on one can be fun and chill but sometimes I crave some group socializing. I mean, I have close knit group of friends back at home, and I love hanging out with my two best friends. But even we get sick of each other every so often and see what other people are up to or what parties are going on. It's just a basic instinct to want to be part of that bigger crowd at times, to be part of an energy mixed with good times and laughter.

So all in all, freshman year wasn't so bad. But I have a feeling sophomore year will be so much better.